i had a mini-meltdown this afternoon.
okay, i am being modest. i had a full-on bawl session pity party for myself this afternoon.
it wasn’t pretty.
allow me to elaborate.
i got home from work a little bit early today, so instead of getting a head start at the gym, i decided to be a responsible adult and call about a few medical bills i had received in the mail. a few medical bills that i thought, without a doubt, were sent to me erroneously.
you see, i have had three procedures in a row: an endoscopy, a CT scan, and a colonoscopy. i knew i was obligated to fulfill my $1,000 insurance deductible, so i set up a few automatic payments with the hospital on the day of my first procedure (back in september) to take care of the deductible.
in the meantime, i received a few bills and i called about them. i was told that the bills were actually sent before the hospital/my insurance company/my doctor’s billing office was aware that my deductible had been filled (via a payment plan) and to disregard any additional bills i received related to an of the three procedures. sweet!
so naturally when i received a few more bills in the mail that were dated mid-november, i figured it was a mistake and they had sent the statements out prior to my final payment that i paid on november 25th.
out of curiosity and for peace of mind, i decided to call on the few bills i had to make sure everything was covered. that’s when things started going downhill…
long story short, after forty minutes on the phone with multiple offices, i found out there was a billing error between the hospital and my insurance.. and i actually still owe my doctor’s office almost $500.
oh, and that’s not counting the 20% i have yet to be billed for the blood work i got last wednesday. or the ultrasound of the lump in my boob. or the colon study i am scheduled to go in for on thursday. or the molectomy (yes i made that word up) that i got a few weeks ago.
after realizing all of this, i just got unbelievably frustrated. and mad. not at the insurance company or the doctor’s office. i got mad that i have so much shit wrong with me lately. i started thinking about all the issues i have had lately.. colon problems, boob problems, mole problems, skin problems.. and i had a bad cold on top of it all that i am just barely getting over. it totally overwhelmed me and i burst into tears.
i was most definitely overreacting and the pity party was definitely an “in the moment” type of thing.. but damnit, i was pissed! i try so hard to be a really healthy person, and i keep having problem after problem. i keep forking out money left and right. $1000 deductible here.. $40 copay there (and there, there, and there!).. 20% out of pocket on 7 other bills. UGH. all i could think about was how i would rather spend (or save!) that money.
i am ridiculous.
my dad told me to be grateful for the fact that i do have insurance coverage (i bought my own policy because my employer doesn’t offer it.) my mom told me to take deep breaths. marshall gave me a hug, i changed into my gym clothes, and i headed to gold’s to complete my lower body workout. my shuffle was dead (go figure) so i was left to my thoughts throughout my whole workout.
and my mood changed.
something my mom always says is, “it’s just money. i’ll make more.” this quote really sticks with me every time she says it. i started repeating this over and over to myself while busting out some reps on the leg press. it calmed me down.
i started in on my bulgarian split squats and was pleased that i was able to increase my weights. and then i thought about the other things that i was pleased about. i filled my brain with all the lovely things in life that make me happy.
i counted my blessings.
- i have an incredible job that WILL allow me to make more money. these days, a good job is hard to come by and i know i am very blessed to hold the position that i do and work for people who genuinely care about my well being. they also employ marshall.
- i have a supportive husband who loves me even when i am completely ridiculous on a regular basis. and who will cook me dinner when i am feeling blue.
- i have a close-knit family. through the years, i have learned that not everybody is super tight with their family, and this luxury is not one i should ever take for granted.
- i have two cuddly pups who have unconditional love for me and always cheer me up.
- my friends—both near and far—are the absolute best. they make my life worth living.
- all the problems aside, i really AM a healthy person. i do have a few minor problems that have all presented themselves at once (when it rains, it pours!) but none of these problems are life-threatening and i will get through it.
- because marshall and i both are able to work, we are in a position where we are able to own a home and vehicles (okay, a mortgage and a loans, but you know what i mean), buy groceries, pay for health insurance, and are still able to save money.
putting things into perspective, i realize i am blessed.. and my mom’s right. it’s just money, we’ll make more. and hopefully i won’t have any more health problems to spend that new money on… knock on wood.
oh. and because sometimes counting your blessings just doesn’t completely fill in the bad mood cracks.. you can always make cookies to seal the deal.
yes. i did it again. i am cookie obsessed. oh! nuts sent me* these minty chocolate chips with a festive holiday candy coating. today is national chocolates day. these cookies were meant to be.
chewy chocolate mint chip cookies
makes 30 cookies, adapted from this recipe
ingredients:
- 1 cup salted butter, softened
- 3/4 cup + 1 TB evaporated cane juice or white sugar
- 1 cup packed brown sugar
- 1/4 cup dark chocolate cocoa powder
- 2 tsp vanilla bean paste or extract
- 2 eggs
- 3 cups all purpose flour
- 1 tsp baking soda
- 3/4 tsp salt
- 1-2 TB milk
- 12 oz candy coated mint chocolate chips
*to make these extra minty, add 1/2 tsp mint extract at the same time as the vanilla.
directions:
- preheat oven to 350 degrees (f).
- in a small bowl, combine flour, soda, and salt. set aside.
- in a standup mixer or in a bowl using an electric mixer, cream together butter and sugars until smooth.
- add cocoa powder and vanilla, mix well.
- add eggs, one at a time, mixing well after each one.
- slowly add flour mixture.. a little at a time.. letting it all mix together a bit before adding more.
- add milk one teaspoon at a time. use as much as you need so the dough comes together. it should be sticky but not wet. i wouldn’t recommend using more than 2 tablespoons.
- fold in mint chips with a spoon.
- use a cookie scoop (or a spoon) to scoop large (about 2 TB) dough balls onto a cookie sheet lined with a silicone mat, parchment paper, or cooking spray.
- bake for 10-12 minutes. when done, cookies should be firm around edges but still a bit “raw” on top. do not overbake.
- let cookies cool on cookie sheet for 2 minutes before transferring to a cooling rack where they can cool completely.
- enjoy! store leftover cookies in an airtight container to preserve freshness and chewiness.
these cookies are good. like.. reallyreallyreally good. these are the cookies that would be the outcome if a girl scout thin mint and a really chewy chocolate chip cookie had babies. on christmas.
i am off to cuddle up with three of my blessings.
have a great night!
Q~
what is one of your blessings?
xo. janetha g.
*oh! nuts sent me the mint chips for free to bake with. i wasn’t compensated for this post. i have a serious cookie baking addiction.. which leads to a serious cookie eating problem. send help.
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I think most of us these days, if we think really hard, can come up with more blessings than not. I am so fortunate for my loving husband who just cooked me dinner because I’ve been having health problems myself (chronic fatigue among others), and I just didn’t feel up to it. Our pets: a bearded dragon named Marshall who has more personality than some people and a cockatiel named Bella who mostly drives me nuts, but she’s cute. I have a job, a clean and dependable car. A perfect little 6 month old nephew. He makes me smile when nothing else can.
I’m glad you can see the blessings in your life. I think it really helps get through the bad stuff. I hope you get through all of your medical stuff soon! That doesn’t sound like any fun…. :(
Man… sorry about the medical crap… but you are so awesome to find the positive and move on. It is worth the money spent to make sure you are okay so we can have you around! Love you!
Your mom is amazing.. Good quote! Paying for hospital bills is like paying for TP.. you hate to use your own money for something you just wipe your butt with.. okay maybe not?.. but I know another use for those bills;)Its just something you hate to be responsible for. Its super late and maybe, hopefully you got some sense out of that..
gym + cookies will get me out of any bad mood stat to!
Im blessed with two happy healthy babies that are now being blessed with 4 lateral incisors that are breaking through.. in turn.. I am blessed with large amounts of caffeine to get me through my day…
Things will turn around.. It always does
love ya J!
Oh man…I know how you feel. I have colon problems out the bum hole (no pun intended) and owe mountain west gi a nice chunk of change also so I recognised that bill immediately. Hopefully they will find out what’s wrong soon though so you can start feeling better!
Big Hugs! I understand your frustration as I went through a similar money owing to insurance and my employer offers insurance. It totally sucks, but you’ll get through it. Hang in there!
oh JG! We have been there and are still there paying medical bills! over $1500 worth. We had to sell a bike to actually pay for it. I completely understand. But health comes first and we must take care of ourselves. Counting OUR blessings for sure. Love you ooooodles!
the cookies look wonderful.
as for everything else…I am not sure how much we have chatted on email but suffice to say I am no stranger to out of pocket medical bills. I don’t even have health insurance. Nor does Scott. Our child does but for Scott and I to get insurance it’s more than a mortgage payment for a 4 bedroom house. It’s insane and that’s if we can even get it. My out of pocket medical expenses last year were in the 5 figure range so I totally, 100%, understand the frustration not only to have things wrong with you but to all pay thru the nose to be treated.
I am so sorry you are going thru this. (( HUGS))
Oh girl! I sooo feel for you! I had a similar issue a while back and freaked! The gym and especially running gave me the time to gain perspective. My blessings? Kaylin, josh, frank, having both of our parents close, our house, jobs, etc
Our health is something that so many of us take for granted all the time! Even being fully mobile at the gym (I know of a girl who has dislocated her shoulder so many times that the has limited range of motion, not a crisis, but hard for her to accept) I think about people who might have non-functional limbs or aren’t healthy enough to even walk. It’s like that quote “I complained about not having shoes… until I met a man without feet.”
That being said, it’s ok to feel frustrated! We all have our breaking points and it’s definitely ok to let it all out. You’re right, you’re a lucky girl to have such a tight knit family. *hugs*
you know how to reach me.
I’m blessed for that alone ;)
I saw your twitter status last night and figured it couldn’t be good :( .. I envy the relathionship you have with your family! The last few times I’ve been home I haven’t left with good send-off, my dad and I really haven’t been getting along because I’m not choosing the exact path he had for me right now. When all I can think of is, at least I have a freaking job. I also think how lucky I am when babaras mom picks me up and lets me know what I’m doing will all pay off in the end. Lucky to have people that love me. Blessed with a basset child that whines too much and wakes me up at all hours of the night (like right now at 4:30, when I don’t have to be up until 6).
And I’m gonna have to really make these cookies now. Mint anything is my favorite in the whole wide world!!!! I think you need an oh nuts! Giveaway and I need to win it! Haha what grocery store would I find these in or do I need to order online?
Shew, that was a lot! Glad you could see the good in the bad, it def sucks being an adult sometimes, I’m just starting to learn, but you have people who love you and that is better than anything else!
You are a hard worker and are SO smart. Be proud of yourself! Also… There are mint m&m’s in stores right now. They’ll work great!
The state of health care in this country is unacceptable. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You have a great outlook though. Big hugs to you!
I miss your blog melissanibbles!! :)
Janeetha…
I’m so sorry that it is raining on your right now! I absolutely agree 100% that the state of health care in our country is ridiculous.
I tend to make lists like you did when I feel like life is pooping on me (and I liked to read Melissa’s white girl problems :)). It really helps put things into perspective. I promise things will get better- including your health!!
xoxo
kristen
indianapolis
My husband is a huge blessing. I have had a few health issues lately too and he has been wonderfully supportive.
Sometimes you need a melt down to put
Things in perspective. You are fabulous
And human:-)cc
I have had some health issues lately AND medical bills as well. So I have been the guest of honor at many a pity party lately. Take it day by day, moment by moment. Hugs!
You should of just made those cookies first and then you would of been all better and had NO stress! Ha!
I know when I get stressed, I ALWAYS think of the things Im grateful for and think of people who are less fortunate than me, that always gets me feeling better!
Love you! xoxo
Everyday is a blessing for me, my wonderful husband and my children and my health. Most of all I am thankful that I live in the US – imagine if you lived in poverty in Mexico or Iraq. Be thankful you have medical bills that means you can go to the Dr. That being said I think we all need a melt down sometimes. I have a question for you – How can you make cookies all the time and look as good as you do. Is your will power that good and you just don’t eat them???
Oh I eat them! usually more the dough than the cookies. But after a few, I take them to my office!!
janetha, i think the meltdown was a good thing for you – that pent-up emotion needed to be let OUT!!! and the dead shuffle at the gym – meant to be as you then had that time of reflection, and turned your situation around. hugs to you! thanks for sharing your story – and i am going to remember momma b’s “it’s only $, i’ll make more.”
i am thankful for canada’s health care, after reading your post today. i also just finished “november thankfulness” (tina, cnc’s idea) today and it was an awesome project for the month – even on bad days, there is always something to be grateful for.
take care!
man, the US health system sucks! you get poorly, and have to pay to find out why?! what do they spend your taxes on?! that is crazy!!! :) big hug to you hun! if we were skint my grandma used to say ‘we need a gelt-shiser’ – she was austrian and that basically means, ‘we need a money shitter!’ – always makes me laugh when I’m feeling the pinch (I mean, wouldn’t that be cool?!!). chin up chuckle. x
I am sorry you had a hard day – the poodle knows his job when I’m having one of those days is cuddles and all of a sudden I forget that I was $ stressed (which is good because it’s usually his bills)
I can totally relate to this. We’re going to endure some crazy expensive medical costs in the next year and it just scares me to think of that right now but I know it will all be worth it. :) <3 you hun! You're health has no price.
I don’t want to “steal your thunder”, but you and I are sitting side by side in that medical boat. I just wish my deductible was $1000 instead of $7500, eek!
However, I am thankful that I have the money in savings to cover it (hopefully). I am able to walk (very slowly) again. I don’t have to have surgery. I have a supportive boyfriend who has been there through it all. I have a job. I have food. Shelter. People who love me. The list goes on, so although this situation totally blows. I can’t help but still be thankful.
I hope you get everything situated :)
I’d love to try the cookies. I’ll have to find out how much to use though, nobody uses cups for measuring over here :-(
Yup. I had a mini meltdown last week as well. Between health stuff, family stuff, car stuff, work stuff, getting the book done–and mostly money stuff related to all these things–I kind of wanted to take a vacation from being me.
But then I realized many of the same things you did–I have it much better than so many other people and even though money stuff sucks, it is just money. Even though I could use the extra little bit of money from the book thing, I’m also in a better position than a lot of people, and donating it is an honor. Not everyone is in that position, and I can always try and make more.
In the grand scheme of things, it’s nothing at all. The stress will pass, but in that moment, all you want is a cookie ;) Hope things look up for you, my friend.
I definitely do not think you were overreacting. Money is so frustrating sometimes, especially when you think you have everything covered and then something goes wrong. While yes, you can always make more and things always work out, it is a stressful situation!! Hope everything works out okay!
mama b & deej should be twins. everytime i cry about having no money deej says you will ALWAYS make money things could be worse and she’s right. its not an overreaction mama its just what we do as humans!
girl, right now we’re in the same boat with doctor bills, but your mom’s quote is SO true and I’m going to be repeating it over and over. we are so incredibly blessed, and Nate always reminds me that we are in something like the 0.001% of the world’s wealthiest people. talk about perspective!
Your attitude is so so great! You ARE so blessed–never forget that! It’s so wonderful that you have great people in your life to support you through this!
But, I totally know how you feel–despite my every effort to be as healthy as possible, I had several health issues last spring/summer and it is SO frustrating!
Finally, your cookies look and sound pretty darn awesome.
Your title made me think of the song Bing Crosby sings in White Christmas. I’m blessed that not only do I have a job in my field, but two supportive bosses that push me to do things other people at my level have no desire doing. It’s making me a better scientist and a better person.
PS – sending you lots of love today. I know how it feels to be overwhelmed (I had a similar meltdown when my student loans first kicked in and I wasn’t bringing home enough to cover everything) and it seems SO frustrating and insurmountable, but you get through it and are better and wiser for it. <3
I’m not being disrespectful, so I hope it doesn’t come off that way but reading this post made me thankful that I live in Canada where I don’t have to worry about paying for basic health care like you are. As much as we complain about wait times and inability to get doctors, at the end of the day, socialized medicine has a lot of benefits, one of which being I don’t have to choose between blood tests and paying my rent.
Fantastic recipe and post girl! Everything will get better :)
oh man, it’s totally understandable to have a meltdown over that stuff – bills are no fun. i love what your mom says though! i need to keep telling myself that.
i have definitely been trying to keep myself aware of the so many blessings in my life! of course, my number one is my wonderful husband!
I am so sorry that you have to deal with all of these medical issues and the bills. It gets me so angry with health insurance in this country. My mom has been walking around for a year without health insurance becaus she can’t afford it. I think it’s something that every single American should have. It should be a priority in this country. It gets me mad! I am thankful for my family. For without them, I’d be nothing.
It’s so easy to do, forget about all the good things that surround us. Sometimes we need moments like these to bring life back into perspective! i’ve been feeling especially grateful for all the wonderful people in my life lately! including people like you, whom I haven’t even met, yet continue to impress and inspire :)
Sometimes things pile up and you need to vent and let them out! And then do exactly what you did. I’m a big fan of counting blessings, and I’m so happy for you that you have so many!! HUGS!!!
Aww Janetha! I wish I could give you a hug! I totally relate to your post, and I think many others do as well. Life can be frustrating, hard, and hectic. The bumps and slaps we get certainly can wear us down, and the negativity of the world can make the good things in our life fade to the background. Your post was a great reminder to change our perspective. Thanks (as always) for blogging from the heart.
You my sweet girl are one of my best blessings! This post made me cry and laugh sure can’t beat those two emotions in one sitting!
Cookies having babies…genius idea-there’s a future post right there.
I’m so proud of your incredibly healthy mental health you are able to dig deep and focus on.
I’m here and you’re still my hero :)
xo
my dad always says “it’s just money,I’ll make more” all.the.time and it has stuck with me growing up as well. Though i freak about bills too – expecially when i start feeling out of control about them or they start piling up. And you know when it rains it pours – there can’t just be a mole removal – it has to be a mole removal, a colonoscopy, a lumpy boobie, etc – that’s how it works. I don’t know why it is – it just is. but in a year from now (heck probably sooner – it seems like you are chilled out now!) it won;t even matter. you will still be happy, healthy, adn strong :) Good post!
Interesting, I did the same thing last night. My old roommate texted me to tell me we had all these bills for our gas and electricity. As far as I was concerned, 1) we had them changed to my name so why was she getting them still! and 2) we were on the level payment plan and this amount was almost double that. I know we didn’t miss a month, and the fee for the name change on the account (why does something so simple aka delete-delete-delete-delete and retype a new name cost $25 (electric) and $63 (gas)?!?!?) Soooo frustrating. Anyway, I am going to spend my lunch hour on the phone with these fools. But you’re right. It’s just money, I’ll make more.
Those cookies look delish.
Way to change perspective – I know it can be hard to do sometimes, but you pulled off – and cookies never hurt! :) I am blessed to have a job that offers health insurance as a benefit – but co-pays and deductibles are always a nightmare. It’s just a game of trying to guess whether or not something will go wrong.
Medical insurance is one of the 7 mysteries of the world (uhm..i made that up, but it sounds good, right?) I, unfortunately, deal with medical insurances pretty much every day for work. It’s frustrating enough to try to decipher the madness of insurance, and then to get an unexpected bill, tha tyou thought was taken care of -ick, that would upset anyone.
Yesterday must have been melt-down tuesday :-( I also was on the verge of a melt down over my crazy dogs. I went for a run at 7:30 last night, which I never do because I’m scared of running in the dark – but once I was out there i could feel my stress melting away. yay endorphinS!
I am sorry to hear about your experience and medical bills. I feel really strongly about healthcare but realize there are lots of things wrong with the system, but with how they treat and diagnose people and the whole fee thing. Through my employer plan, I was complaining about a $100 deductible; $1000? That’s nuts! We’ve got a little easier in Canada, with full coverage, but it may change…
Hope you’re okay and while it is expensive, it is a good idea to get checked out.
Mad love and good vibes your way, my friend. <3
Ugh, I have good insurance through work, and I STILL hate the system. Especially since I’m a woman of child-bearing age. My premium is triple what a male colleague pays, and that makes me insane. I’m the healthiest of all of my colleagues, spend the most time on prevention of disease, and still somehow get screwed.
But I agree with Momma B. It’s just money, and you’ll always make more.
this post = why I have so much respect for you, and why I love your blog.
thanks J!
many hugs… just keep swimming, right?
<3
You are NOT ridiculous. Medical bills can be SO frustrating. I have been in your spot several times-just when you think your portion is all paid, they come up with more to pay :(
I see you posted above mint M & Ms are in stores, good thing they aren’t in my area, I have a serious M & M addiction. I have never had the mint ones, and I am afraid that would be an addiction also.
I love the pic with your dog laying on your husband.
Friend, sorry you had a down day yesterday but it sounds like you have a better perspective now: to count your blessings even amidst troubles.
One of my blessings: a loving husband whom I don’t deserve and who is ridiculously patient with me when I am ridiculously hard to deal with. He’s perfect for me.
I completely understand your freak out about the medical bills! First, those calls are always AWFUL to make. Chris was really sick about 1.5 years ago and had just started at a new job. We had insurance but didn’t have our medical cards and numbers yet when he was admitted. It turned into an 8 month MESS of bills, calling insurance, 10 different doctors’ offices, etc. Oh and a collection agency or two as well. The hospital had us thinking we owed $30,000!! It finally blew over, after we almost lost our minds. So ridiculous, but we did feel fortunate that it all pretty much worked out. Just thinking about it makes me shiver! — Cookies + puppies will make any day better though!
I want those cookies in my mouth. Now. That is a really good quote from your mom. I get way too stressed out by $$$ too. I need to knock it off!!
Are you making cookies everyday? I think you should come bring me some ;)
I am sorry about the recent health hiccups. I am here for you always.
I sooo understand where your coming from. This is exactly how i have been feeling lately. I have been feeling like my whole world has been crumbling down. (thats just me with my dramatic ways, though) And on the colon problems, i have had issues on that as well. (i always think, i’m too young to be having these issues) i have had to wait on getting my meds for that issue since my insurance hasn’t kicked in quite yet. the main thing that sucks is it affects my workouts which is my main source of relieving stress and it just gets to me sometimes that i haven’t been able to get in a really good run or workout because of it. This is exactly what i needed to be reminded of though, to count my blessings and not focus on the negative.
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