two things i am not.

by Janetha on September 21, 2011

in deep thoughts,eating out,random rambles

one thing i am not: worried about a number.

i had a really weird dream last night.

okay, i have weird dreams nearly every night, but this one i am going to talk about. do you usually have dreams that have something to do with your day or week or things that have happened in your life? i do. always. it makes sense, right? what doesn’t make sense is the way your brain decides to take random bits of your day and turn them into a crazy chain of events. i have always said i wish i had a dream recorder. someone, please, invent one! playing back my dreams would be so freaking rad.

anyway, my dream.

a little background first:

on monday, i went to the gastroenterologist (story for another day.. promise) and they wanted to weigh me.

well, i don’t weigh myself.

if you weigh yourself, great. i don’t think there is a single thing wrong with using the scale.. i know it is a valuable tool for many people. but for me? it isn’t. i haven’t weighed myself for a very long time—i didn’t think i had weighed myself since spring of 2009, but i recently found an old notebook that had my weight written down in march of 2010 when i was attempting some “pre-wedding challenge”.. so i am guessing that is the last time i hopped on the scale. (i know, for a fact, that nothing ever came of that challenge and i didn’t weigh myself after the initial weigh in and my wedding day was perfectly fabulous and i looked banging and have no idea how much i weighed.)

weighing myself makes me crazy.

image source.

i know i am healthy, i know i am not under or overweight, so nitpicking a number really isn’t in my best interest. i have learned that my weight can fluctuate as much TEN pounds from morning to night. (i drink a gallon of water a day and eat a lot of food—no wonder!) i have learned that caring about that number isn’t healthy for my brain. i have learned that i like the way i feel and the way i look—focusing on food and fitness is what works best for me. 

so—back to the doc’s office on monday. i told them no when they wanted to weigh me, and that was that. it was not the end of the world. they went on and documented all my other info. i had my appointment and went on my way.

fast forward to last night. i had a dream last night that i was having a dream. aren’t those so weird? in my dream (the dream that was in my dream, mind you—straight up inception here, folks), i dreamt that i weighed myself at the gym and i was 115. no idea where that number came from or why i was weighing myself at the gym—something i have never done even in my weighing days, but that’s what went down in the ol’ dream within a dream.

when i woke up from my dream (still in my dream) i went to the bathroom and said to myself, “wow, what a strange dream. i must have dreamt that because of my doc appointment the other day.” i looked down and there was a scale on my bathroom floor. i decided to hop on to see if my dream was right, and the scale read 150.  again, no idea where that came from.. i have never been 150. after i saw the 150, i remember thinking (still in my dream) “weird. 35 pounds heavier than in my dream. no big deal, i look the same and feel the same as i did in my dream at 115.. that’s what matters.”

dang. i am one smart dreamer! and how weird that i said that to myself in my dream. i remember it so vividly! i woke up this morning and recounted the dream. i smiled, because my dreaming self was right. whether i weigh 115 or 150, i look and feel great.. so who cares? not me.

i just thought that dream was so random and rad, i had to share it.

another thing i am not: baby hungry.

first of all, let’s get one thing straight: i hate the term “baby hungry”. it always makes me think about physically eating babies and cannibalism just isn’t my thing. while we are at it, let it be known that i also hate the term “food baby.”

my bosses and co-workers had a baby shower today for my cute co-worker crystal. this is baby #3 for her!

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this is also GIRL #3 for her! what are the odds? (apparently, pretty good, since there are 4 girls and zero boys among her siblings.)

we went to red butte cafe (on foothill drive in salt lake city) for the shower.

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i dolled up the table a bit with some baby girl decor.

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as crystal opened her gifts, i realized more and more that i just DON’T have the desire to have babies any time soon. i mean, i have always felt this way, but whenever i am at a baby shower or around people who are talking about babies, the feeling is even more present. i try to imagine myself with a baby and i just don’t see it. i actually feel really out of place when i am holding a baby.. i don’t like it.  i always talk to people who CANNOT WAIT to be a mom. i am perfectly happy being a dog-mom.

so.. is it just supposed to click one day? i am positive that i won’t wake up on a sunny thursday in 2013 and suddenly want to get pregnant… but i am wondering if that maternal desire is ever going to strike me.

it is really common for people in utah to have children early in life (and getting married in your early 20’s is totally the norm), so i do catch a lot of slack from certain people. they tell me i am getting too old to have kids and i am an “old maid”.. um, i am 28. i’m good.

i know that i DO want to have a family. my family is a huge part of my life and i know the relationship i have with my mom is one i would like to share with a child of my own. but that whole baby thing just scares me. i am definitely not “there”—wherever that exactly may be. 

anyway, those are my thoughts on baby making. back to the shower!

i was torn between the red trout salad and one of the specials, but the waiter pointed out that the trout would always be there and to get the special. good call, waiter.

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this was a grilled salmon with artichoke tapenade served over an heirloom tomato panzanella salad with a balsamic vinaigrette. (i know. long title). um, if you live near salt lake city, get your mouth into red butte right away and order this salad special. it was incredible.

the shower was fun and although the baby talk was minimal and i was only asked if i was baby hungry once, it still reinforced the fact that i am in no way ready to have a child. BUT i am so happy for crystal and all the other baby-makin’ mommas to be out there! i love my nieces, nephews and other little nuggets that i am not responsible for… and it will probably stay that way for awhile.

there ya go. two things i am not. now you know.

in other news, i am LOVING all the better breakfast submissions that are rolling in! if you missed the challenge, check it out here. you have until october 1st to email me a submission. to up the ante, i am adding two free breakfast food coupons to the prize pack:

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wooo. to see the rest of the prize pack, head to the original post. i am not big on reposting things over and over.

Qs~

1. what is one thing you are not?

2. feel free to discuss your opinion on my two topics: scales and babies. totally optional but encouraged if you want to share your piece.

xo. janetha g.

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Theresa @ActiveEggplant September 23, 2011 at 9:35 am

This is such a hot topic these days & really seems like it’s hitting home for so many of us! (Maybe it’s because it seems like the entire blogosphere is pregnant right now?!)
I found my way here through a Katy Widrick tweet & I must say, I think it’s funny that you’ve been told “old maid” because you’re 28 and not knocked up & married yet – makes me think of what my family (grandfather mostly) used to say to me! I come from a very big family (one of 30 grandchildren…my mom’s one of 13 kids!) and many of my female cousins were married right out of high school and started having babies in their very early 20s. By the time I was 22 or 23 my grandfather started “worrying” that I was getting too old & that I’d be single and childless forever! I just didn’t get it – I felt so YOUNG and couldn’t imagine being married with kids yet.

Snap to age 32, I’m still childless but happily married. Just celebrated 6 years in fact. And only *now* are we to the point where we’re comfortable with the idea of getting pregnant. I mean, we’ve known for a long time that we wanted a family someday…it just never felt “right”. And we’ve had a really hard time explaining that to our families…because of course the second we got hitched they started asking when we’d be having kids.

Anyhow, the moral of my story? Don’t let anyone’s opinion sway your feelings. You’ll eventually figure out when you’re ready (as ready as anyone can be) whether it’s 5 weeks, 5 months or 5 years from now. And heck, if you decide kids aren’t for you – so be it! Stick to your guns & don’t let anyone make you feel bad about it.

Janetha September 23, 2011 at 3:17 pm

Thank you for sharing your own experience! It is refreshing to hear. I live in Utah where it is so heavily populated with Mormon families that feel their only goal is to have large families. I’m too selfish to give up my time and money to a large family. When and if I do have children, I only want two!

Marisa @ Loser for Life September 23, 2011 at 11:42 am

I love your view about the scale, Janetha! I am really, REALLY, trying to get there, too.

You ARE one smart dreamer :)

Janetha September 23, 2011 at 3:18 pm

And you will. Promise. It took me a long time.

Cameo September 23, 2011 at 9:48 pm

I am not baby hungry. I am house-owner hungry. Starving, actually.

kelli September 23, 2011 at 10:20 pm

whenever a doctor weighs me i just tell them not to tell me the number. It will just make me too upset.

Marisa September 24, 2011 at 2:23 am

I have to say that having my first at 26 wasn’t the Utah norm in reference to your comment of your siblings having families young. To me, young is 22-23. I say do all you want and can before you have your kids… and then keep doing things with them. I admit my girls have limited some of the things we could do, but I am amazed at the love I have for them that makes that okay. But you have to get to that point. I also love the stage I am at with the youngest being 5 and all 3 in school. Some me time after a decade! :) Although, now that I am approaching the teenage years, I might want to flashback to the baby years! You have a baby, give it to me until age 4 and I give you Kaylee for the same 4 years. You are an awesome aunt full of love and when you are ready for kids, you will be an awesome mom. And I promise not to bug you! Love you!

Janetha September 24, 2011 at 2:31 am

DEAL! Hahaha that’s a great idea. True, 26 isn’t too young. And YOU never bug me. It’s other people who I’m not even friends with and really have no business telling me I should make a baby. maybe I’ll just always be the crazy dog lady ;) love you too I’m glad you’re commenting lately. I miss you!

Amy September 24, 2011 at 6:34 pm

Janetha, I am really happy you wrote this post. I have never wanted kids and still don’t today. I always get the side eye when I say I want don’t want children, and was even called “selfish”. I have no desire for a child and don’t think I ever will to be honest (I am 27). My boyfriend actually has 2 teenagers and it actually reaffirms my feeling that I just don’t have the motherly “want”. I agree that a lot women (especially around my age) either have kids or can’t wait to have em.. and then there is me who is terrified of holding babies…

Mara Shorr September 26, 2011 at 10:49 am

I loved this post, and loved all of the comments even more!

Dreams- I’ve been having 2-3 dreams each week that my teeth fall out. One by one. It’s freaky to wake up and think you’re losing your teeth.

Weight- When I left my full-time position three months ago, that also meant I needed to get insurance on my own. Despite all sorts of random, freak health issues that popped up over the years (Swine flu and MRSA, anyone?!), the one that showed up under “Medical Conditions” and caused the company to raise my rates? “Height vs. weight.” Yup. Apparently, being 5’8″ and 115 pounds (I come from a long line of tall, skinny people!) means I pay extra each month for my insurance.

Babies- Ah, babies. I’m currently figuring out if I want them much, much later (I’m 28 right now and perfectly content without them) or want them, well, for my friends instead of me. Although having two puppies at the same time who are JUST NOW not destroying our throw pillows and area rugs makes me content without a “puppy” per se, I still tell Russ that I’d love to rescue and English bulldog and give her an incredibly human name, like Susan. However, we’re fresh out of space in our little townhome.

(Oh, and yesterday, I vacuumed my lab. She was totally fine with it. I still say you’re on to something.)

Janetha September 26, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Holy crud, that’s a weird dream! I bet it’s totally strange to wake up after that.

That’s crazy about your weight! It doesn’t seem very fair to increase your premium as long as you are healthy. Bogus.

Ah–puppies. If babies are anything like puppies, I am doomed.

Mara Shorr September 26, 2011 at 4:54 pm

So, yes. To everything you just said, yes!

Mel September 26, 2011 at 1:27 pm

I’m loving all the views on this post and it totally made me start thinking too..

I know I wont be ready for children for many years but I’ve always known that I want to have a family. I don’t think I’m particularly good or really talented at a lot of things, but I have always felt I’d make a good mom, maybe because I have a lot of love to give. I think it is that little bit of confidence that keeps it an option..(even though I severely doubted that through most of college). I want everything that comes with a big family – even if that means getting through the baby stage.

Allie Finch September 26, 2011 at 5:34 pm

Hi Janetha~
Thank you for sharing this. I’m usually hesitant to comment when there are already hundreds, but this hits pretty close to home for me.

I’m from Utah as well…& it always blows my mind how young people marry & start families there. I definitely got (& would probably still get) the “old maid” comment. I have younger siblings who were married before I was & who already have children. Sort of funny: at my sis’ wedding (she was 20) people kept saying “don’t worry, it’ll happen for you.” I was like, I’m 21. I’m good. I’m not worried. Thanks for your concern…but not really.
I love my husband & hate to imagine life without him, but I’m happy I waited until my mid-twenties (which actually still felt too young to me :P ); I love that I had my own experiences as an adult before marrying.

As for the baby question. I totally get what you are talking about. I LOVE my niece & nephews & others’ children; but when I am around them, it always reiterates how much I don’t see myself with a baby. Who knows, maybe my feelings will change, but it’s hard to imagine right now. It is actually difficult to admit this to most people, because I get the whole “what?! what’s wrong with you?” reaction. I felt like something was wrong with me as a woman for a long time, because I didn’t have those same “natural” maternal instincts. I just never had. I thought I would have to force it. But we are just being true to ourselves, & that’s ok. Because if you have children, you should really really want that…not just do it because it’s the next step.
Thanks again.

Janetha September 26, 2011 at 6:06 pm

Thank you for commenting! I loved everything you wrote and was literally nodding along. I am glad you can relate and thanks for sharing your thoughts, Allie! xo

Michelle September 27, 2011 at 10:50 am

New reader here!

I totally agree with you on the weight/scale stuff. I used to weigh myself constantly and it was SO unhealthy. Deep down, I’m Type A and instead of controlling my weight the scale was controlling me. NOT worth it!

As for the baby stuff. Honestly, not everyone HAS to have kids. I love mine and they have truly completed MY life, but I HATE it when people become baby pushers. Some of my best friends don’t have kids (and aren’t sure they ever will) and I love it because a) they aren’t going to drop me to become “moms” (sadly many of my friends have) and b) they are super awesome with my kids.

I definitely agree with the sentiment of don’t have kids because it’s the “right” thing to do. Do it because your heart wants them and you have room for them in your life!

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