the one about the baby weight.

so, my blog was down for a few days and i just realized it. whoops. anyway, hi! how are you all? hope things are going well.

fox had his 2 month checkup and shots yesterday, and he did great. he’s always super smiley and happy at the doc, probably because we always go in the morning AKA his super happy time of day.

little man weighs 10 lbs 1 oz and is 21.25 inches tall. he took his shots like a champ, but then had a really rough night afterward. he was in so much pain, it really hurt my heart! marshall and i were so sad—seeing your kiddo in pain is basically the worst thing ever, we decided. i just nursed him more frequently and gave him an extra bath and some tylenol. and lots and lots of cuddles. after a long crying fest, he passed out on my lap for a good chunk of the evening.

he slept well last night and he is back to his happy self today, thank goodness. love that little boy.

well, it’s time for another post for my clueless FTM series! it’s been a minute.

today i am rambling about the baby weight.

you know.. i have been putting off typing a post on this topic for awhile, mainly because i get so bothered every time i think about typical posts regarding losing the baby weight. i didn’t want this post to be one big rant, so i postponed typing it.. thinking that maybe it’s my postpartum hormones making me so annoyed by the subject. but, as it turns out, it’s not my hormones. those posts just suck. and they’re dumb. aaaaand my post is probably going to offend anyone who has ever done a post (or a series of posts) regarding losing their baby weight. oh well.

let me preface this by saying that i am not normal, not by any stretch of the imagination. i’m a weird one. but i do have a pretty good grip on reality and i know that it is NOT normal to obsess about your body. yes, it’s normal to care about what you look like and worry about being in good shape—but let’s not get crazy about it. it is extra not normal to obsess about your body right after you have a baby. simmer down, ladies. there are SO MANY OTHER things to obsess about—like figuring out how to be a mom! trust me, nothing can prepare you for what it’s like to have a newborn, and once you have that teeny new baby, your life no longer belongs to you. your priorities shift. i feel like many blogs put forth this pressure to put weight loss #1 and bounce your body back to what it was before you had your baby in 2.2 seconds.. and that’s just not normal.

i want to talk about it today because i never really see posts about how it’s okay to not worry about your body and that you should just focus on being a mom and all the overwhelming hardships that come with that. i wish i came across more “real” posts about life being flipping TOUGH with a newborn (it is!) and that you may find it downright impossible to focus on getting your pre-baby body back. and that not only is that okay, but it also is, in fact, probably normal.

so. before i was pregnant and fox wasn’t even on the radar, i would skip over body after baby posts because they were not relevant to me. then when i was pregnant i started to read them and noticed that they were somewhat strange—like why were people SO concerned about their body? didn’t they have a baby to worry about? why all the side profile photos of your belly? you aren’t pregnant anymore.. i understand the belly shots documenting your pregnancy—but you had your baby. side profile photos can stop. and now that fox is here, i am straight up bothered by all of those type of posts. i can’t even read them anymore, they bug me so bad.

they bug me for a couple different reasons…

one, because they are encouraging women to be overly concerned about the way their body looks very soon after having a baby. after just, you know, GROWING A HUMAN BEING INSIDE OF YOU. and then either pushing that human out of a small hole in your body or getting him/her removed by slicing a hole through the flesh of your midsection. yeah. there is no way we should focus on getting nor expect to have the same body we had prior to pregnancy and childbirth so soon after giving birth. and it’s always the same shpill–posting photos focusing on what that post-baby bod looks like and how much (or little) weight is left to lose, rather than focusing on regaining fitness.

and two, because every woman is SO different. the amount of weight gained, genetics, how our baby came into this world.. all these factors play into what our body is like postpartum. and because of that, every woman is going to have a different experience regarding “body after baby” –i hate that phrase, by the way. so when a blogger chronicles her incredible journey of getting her pre-baby body back, without giving tips or advice on how to get in shape as a new mom, it all just comes off as one big humble brag. nobody is worried about you getting a banging body back except for you. not your friends, your family, your new baby, strangers on the internet. not even your husband. at least i hope not.

don’t get me wrong, i haven’t given up on physical fitness entirely. i believe it should be a priority and being active, fit, and healthy is a crucial part of being able to be a good mom and is just important in general. i definitely think eating healthfully and moving are key throughout all points in life, including postpartum. i am not knocking a clean diet and regular exercise—hello, those are great habits. however, being active, fit, and healthy has nothing to do with what your body looks like.. which is what we see as the main focus time and time again in these body after baby posts. there is literally NO benefit in life to have a flat stomach. unless you are a swimsuit model or something, i guess. and, guess what? your stomach probably won’t be the same as it was for quite some time. sure, it may be flat and your abs may make an appearance.. but it will definitely be a changed stomach. some moms i know say their stomach will never be the same again. and that’s okay.

let’s talk about numbers for a minute. specifically, the number on the scale. it doesn’t mean shit, folks. it drives me batty when people say they are back to their prepregnancy weight.

GREAT. good for you! but guess what? that’s just a number. and it does not mean you have the same shape you did prior to pregnancy. that is where the real struggle is. your shape. bigger boobs, wider hips, a jiggly belly, and a saggy bum. those are some things you can expect to have postpartum. so while the scale may reflect the same number it did before you conceived, that doesn’t mean your clothes will fit the same. congratulations on losing your baby weight—but you still have to wear jeggings and baggy sweaters for awhile. okay, maybe that’s not the case for all women, who knows.. maybe their shape bounces right back. but not for me, and that’s all i have to go off of.

you know what’s strange about our culture? people constantly saying, “good job!” to women after they reveal how much of their baby weight they have lost/how little they have left to lose. yes, it’s great to congratulate a person when they put in a whole lot of effort and lose weight through making healthy changes to their diet and incorporating regular exercise into their lives. but when we are talking about postpartum weight loss? no. don’t congratulate me. i don’t deserve a medal for it. i have put zero effort into losing weight. i am constantly eating because i am breast feeding (and a lot of the time it’s not the healthiest food because i’m too busy to cook) and i haven’t broken a sweat from exercise since 2013. i need no congratulatory words when you ask me about my weight loss. any weight i have lost is due to giving birth to the human that was inside of me and all the fluids that went with it. that paired with genetics is what has put me where i am today, so don’t tell me good job.

the thing about pregnancy weight is it’s so specific to the individual. everyone gains a different amount of weight and there is nothing you can do to change that! i have a friend who worked out her entire pregnancy, diligently, and ate clean nearly the entire time. she gained sixty pounds. i didn’t exercise at all and ate like a teenage boy on a dollar menu budget throughout my whole pregnancy, and i gained 25 pounds. your body is going to make the changes it needs to make and gain what it needs to gain, no matter what you do or don’t do. i mean, i am sure diet and exercise plays a small part in your weight during pregnancy, but it is not going to dictate if you gain 20 lbs vs 50 lbs.

which means we are all different after having our babies. some will have 20 pounds to lose and others will have 50 pounds to lose. and let me make a very important statement:

you didn’t get FAT. you got PREGNANT.

it’s totally normal to care that your body is all weird and that you don’t fit into your clothes. yeah, you might get discouraged about it from time to time—that’s okay. you went through a big change and your body is totally different. it’s okay to miss the old pre-baby body. but it’s also important to realize why you are where you are. you didn’t give up on healthy living, you aren’t a failure—you grew a human. it changes your body.

losing weight after giving birth is not the same type of weight loss as when you gain weight from overeating/being lazy/etc. it is SO DIFFERENT. first of all, you will lose a big chunk of it right after you have your baby. turns out, that human and the placenta that it lived in weighs a good amount. and then in the couple of weeks following birth, you will probably lose weight at a pretty quick rate. and then that weight loss will probably slow down or stop, and then you will have to do things to keep losing weight. but you won’t want to do things, because you will be so obsessed with your baby and also you will be so busy with your baby and that’s just the way it goes and that’s A-okay. don’t feel like you need to bounce back to your old body right away. it will take time. and that amount of time will be different for every woman.

also, side note: the amount you do or don’t exercise and/or eat healthfully during pregnancy doesn’t necessarily dictate how easy your labor will be nor does it have a huge impact on how slow/quick your baby weight will come off. of course it doesn’t HURT to stay active, but it’s not going to make or break your experience. i didn’t work out a bit and my labor was a breeze and i have lost weight despite having a lazy pregnancy. i really feel like genetics plays a huge role. again, i am just basing this on my experience alone.. but i am so sick of people saying they attribute their easy labor/postpartum weight loss to staying active during pregnancy. and i am sure it makes gals with rough labors feel like shit.

my next paragraph needs to be typed because my blog DOES talk about weight loss/getting in shape from time to time and i don’t want to come off as a hypocrite. you guys know i am all about promoting healthy ways to lose weight and get/stay in shape. i am no stranger to the before and after photo. i have done body for life, insanity, jamie eason’s livefit trainer, and the advocare 24 day challenge. i like trying new things and sharing them with you. i like showing you what works for me in case you want to try it, too. however, pregnancy weight loss is not one of those things. my postpartum situation is my situation, and you don’t need to hear about it no see photos of the current state of my stomach. it’s not going to help anyone in any way. and that’s why i don’t understand why so many people pour so much time and energy into documenting their experience. it’s not helping people.

you know what will help? sharing how to squeeze an at-home workout in between feeding your baby because your boobs are his/her food source and you live your life in little “between feedings” chunks. or a quick make-ahead meal idea for those nights your baby decides to scream for five hours straight. those are the type of postpartum food & fitness posts we need to see more of. not a month-by-month photo comparison of how your stomach is progressively getting flatter. that’s only serving yourself. and it’s doing no favors when it comes to shifting the focus away from body image obsession. if anything, it is making other women fall into the comparison trap and make them feel bad. and that sucks.

that maybe sounded bitter. not the case. i’m just passionate about the matter, apparently. not bitter. in fact, i am so happy with things. my baby is two months old. my boobs are giant, my belly has flab, and my hips are wider. i am not even trying on my prepregnancy clothes yet because i don’t expect them to fit. (plus, leggings. love.) my body was turned upside down and inside out over the course of nine months. i would never expect it to be the way it used to be just two short months after giving birth. also.. it’s already hard enough to have a newborn! it takes all your time and energy and you are legit running on very little sleep. why waste the little energy and time you do have on worrying about what your body looks like? it can wait. for now, focus on creating a healthy, happy life for you and your new baby and your family.. not on how your body looks. your baby is only a baby once. your body will always be there—no matter what shape it is.

that concludes my body after baby post. guess it got pretty lengthy and wordy and ranty. oh well. thanks for reading. feel free to share your thoughts on the matter in the comments. we all have different opinions, and that’s what makes life interesting.

xo. janetha g.

it has been brought to my attention that the comment count is visible, and you can comment, but the actual comments aren’t visible. this is a wordpress glitch and i am working with my developer to try to fix it. you CAN view the comments if you are on a mobile device, but not if you are viewing the desktop version of my blog. i’m sorry! there are so many great comments on this post, so i hope to get it fixed ASAP!!