WHY? (the airport edition.)

by Janetha on October 7, 2011

in random rambles

WHY is it that when i rush around and make an extra effort to get to the airport early, there is NO security line and then my flight gets delayed and i end up sitting at the gate for ages…

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…and then on the flip side, when i am running late there is a huge security line and my flight is completely boarded and ready to take off—just waiting for me?! (i realize that was a huge run-on question. hope you followed.)

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WHY is lip gloss not considered a liquid but peanut butter is? apparently the single-serving peanut butter pouches need to be in a ziptop bag, but my tube of the exact-same-consistency lip gloss is good to go. you know, because i might have some seriously threatening explosive peanut butter. don’t even get me started about the apple that’s tagging along with that peanut butter. it has full grenade potential!

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WHY do they make me take my shoes off when going through security? do they think i am hiding a machete in my $2.50 pair of old navy flip flops? they have a super high tech machine that scans my entire body—inside and out i am sure—but it can’t scan my shoes while they are on my feet??  i really need to start wearing socks to the airport.

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speaking of shoes…

WHY do some women insist on wearing 4” heels to the airport? news flash, ladies: standing in line to check in, then standing in line to go through security, then standing in line to get your fancy drink from starbucks at 8 PM, then walking to your gate, then walking to the bathroom, then walking back to your gate, then standing in line to board your flight is, in fact, NOT a runway fashion show. it’s the airport. and your feet are going to really, really hurt tomorrow.

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oh, and while we are on the subject of standing in line to board your flight…

WHY do people do this?!? YES, i want nothing more than to get a good spot at the front of the line to board the plane on which i have an ASSIGNED seat… so i can sit on said plane with zero personal space* while i wait for everyone after me to board the plane. oh, and if i happen to be in an aisle seat, i get to sit down, get settled, then stand up again when mister (or miss) window seat on my same row decides to board. how convenient does that sound?? news flash, folks: they aren’t taking off until the last one in line boards. and that last one will always be me, because i would much rather hang out in the nice, big airport for as long as possible before being crammed on a tiny aircraft for the next couple/few hours.

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*first class passengers need not respond to this. i have never and will never be in first class, but if i WAS, then a mimosa and a warm washcloth pre-takeoff may change my tune.

WHY do i always get stuck next to a smelly individual or a seat hog? i am not even exaggerating. whenever i travel alone, i end up sending marshall or momma b (or both) a text regarding my seatmate (is that the proper term?) in this particular case, i lucked out with BOTH a space invader and a stinker.  i am already claustrophobic as it is—please get your leg and elbow out of my zone. oh, and by stinker i don’t meat a farter, eden, i mean the body odor kind of stinky.

momma b had me looking on the bright side…

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and marshall told me to be safe and to hold my breath.

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thanks, babe.. it’s gonna be a long flight!

WHY is it always so damn cold on the actual airplane? i am typing this while in the air, en route to LA and my feet are FREEZING because the cold air is blasting them. that’s what i get for not wearing socks, i guess. dirty feet from the security line and cold feet from the flight. i bed deb is excited for me and my awesome feet to crash on her couch tonight!

your turn! share your WHY? about the airport or airplanes.

xo. janetha g.

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Toronto Girl West October 8, 2011 at 5:12 pm

I’ve got several . . . lol

WHY? must Delta insist on trying to poison me every flight I take. I tell them ahead of time that I’m allergic to peanuts. They say okay and promise to put a peanut buffer around me. Then they serve the person in front of me peanuts and roll their eyes at me when I protest. I of course then spend the rest of the day with a horrible migraine taking swigs of Benadryl.

WHY? must I pay for my luggage. I already paid for my ticket and it should be included. Besides, paying for luggage makes people carry ridiculously large carry on. Which delays boarding and deplaning. And last time I checked, weight is weight regardless of whether it’s in the boot or in the over-head compartment.

WHY? must North American airlines serve such horrid food. It’s bad enough that I have to pay for it (see the whole I already paid for my ticket thing) but must it be gross too? European airlines serve some seriously yummy food. In fact, I once restrained myself from asking Air France for their remoulade recipe. True story. :P

Prathiba October 8, 2011 at 6:41 pm

This is hilarious! I especially love your girls in heels commentary. SO true!

Holly October 8, 2011 at 7:04 pm

UGH- You hit EVERY airport complaint of mine! The heels drive me CRAZY & the girls that where fancy dresses & then spend like every 5 seconds checking themselves in the nearest bathroom. You are FLYING..I mean seriously?! I’ll never figure it out.

Julia October 8, 2011 at 9:46 pm

Tyler and I also don’t understand the rush-to-get-in-line-to-get-on-the-tiny-a$$-airplane phenomenon. They aren’t going to giveaway your seat.
I’m so sorry about the smelly guy next to you. Ick.
And heels and a short, skintight dress are never appropriate flight attire. I don’t care who you are meeting at the baggage claim.
I bring socks on every single flight now, even though I wear flip flops. So I end up walking around in socks and sandals if I get up to go to the bathroom. I am that cool.
Have a great weekend!

Deb (SmoothieGirlEatsToo) October 9, 2011 at 3:52 am

I have some answers to your whys:
1. People rush on to get the overhead space. I’m married to someone obsessed with overhead space, so he takes off like a runner at a triathalon the second they call our section.
2. It’s airport karma that you’ll either be racing (see above) to get on the plane, or sitting for hours twiddling your thumbs. But it helps to bring a few magazines, just in case. However, if you bring one, or even two, then you’ll be late and be lucky to make your flight. If you forget the magazines, you’ll be sitting for hours and then have to decide whether or not to go spend more money on more magazines.
3. Peanut butter debacle: I took a bunch of mini PB containers and figured they were liquid so I had an entire quart bag full of them. So I asked the guy if it needed to be done (like for my next flight) and he said No! ?!?!?!!Which is it with peanut butter, yes or no!?

Gotta hit the hay- so tireddddd

Lauren @ Oatmeal after Spinning October 9, 2011 at 1:52 pm

I love this post. I think it’s my most favorite, ever.

I have the worst luck with having my flight delayed- I swear it happens every single time I fly. Nothing worse than being at the control of the airline and there’s NOTHING you can do about it!!

Glad you made it there safe. :)

Brittany October 9, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Hahhaa this is one of the best posts ever. Everything is soo true!! Sorry about the guys with the BO. One time I was on a flight and my mom was sitting next to an old lady who picked her CHIN HAIR almost the entire flight. We almost threw up

Heather @ Kiss My Broccoli October 10, 2011 at 8:55 am

Oh man! I guess I’ve always gotten pretty lucky when it comes to my airplane seatmates…hope you didn’t lose too many braincells holding your breath for so long! ;)

My gripe is WHY do they have to make the restrooms on the airplane SO small?! I mean, is it really that much of a space/money saver? I can’t even reach to undo my belt without smacking my elbows against the walls!

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