guest post! –> lindsay w.

by Janetha on October 6, 2011

in guest posts

Hello Meals and Moves lovers! I’m Lindsay and I blog at Lindsay’s List. While Janetha’s away, the mice will play. Or rather, you guys are going to have to read some stuff I’ve come up with below. Or something like that. Not sure why we’re mice.

Moving on…

As I was running intervals yesterday, pushing my two rather rotund toddlers in their behemoth of a jogging stroller, I got to thinking about how inefficient this exercise was.

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If you’ve ever run behind a stroller before, you know what I’m talking about. Not only are you using all of your momentum to push against the 60+ pounds of baby meat/stroller frame, it’s also rather odd to run without using your arms. You kind of just move your shoulders, arms glued to the handle bar, and hope that your knees don’t jam into the back of the stroller. Very inefficient.

If you’ve ever trained for any type of competition before, you’ll know that you WANT to become as efficient as you can be. Streamlining your body’s movements can shave seconds and even minutes off of your time. NASA spent months developing the “world’s fastest swimsuit” for Michael Phelps, analyzing various weaves and fabrics to reduce his drag in the water. All in the name of becoming more efficient!

Well, most of us aren’t Olympic athletes in hopes of winning gold. We exercise for our health and to burn calories. So for us, being efficient isn’t as much of a priority. In fact, our bodies burn the most calories when we perform the most inefficient moves. Think about it: we hold 25 pound dumbbells while doing squats, tricking our bodies into lifting more weight. If we were trying to squat in the most streamlined way, wouldn’t we just drop the weights?? It would be much easier (faster) for our bodies to complete that move. Walking at an incline. Upping your bike’s resistance in spin class. Walking lunges with a body bar on your shoulders. All ways in which we make it HARDER on our bodies, which means less efficiency. Because in order to CHANGE your body, you need to TRICK it.

And trick it, we will. By doing completely moronic things.

**I am in NO way being serious by suggesting these activities. If you get hurt doing what I describe below, well, then you’re an idiot.**

INEFFICIENT EXERCISING (Triathlon-style)

RUNNING: Run awkwardly, flailing your arms and kicking your legs.

As you’re running, create inefficient movement by pretending that you’re a Wacky Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man. You’ll need to trick your legs into thinking you’re not really running, but more like dancing a jig, while propelling yourself forward. Don’t worry. It’s actually much harder than it sounds. And that’s sorta the point.

SWIMMING: Swim laps with Libby’s pumpkin cans tied to your wrists. And ankles for double the calorie burn.

With the arrival of Fall, comes the onslaught and near suffocation of all things PUMPKIN! It’s everywhere – in our lattes, smoothies, cookies, bars, oatmeal. Gag me with a stick if I see one more rendition of “Pumpkin Oats”. I mean, I like pumpkin and all, but let’s pick another fall food. Like Thanksgiving Turkey. “Make mine an Iced Grande with two shots of Turkey”….Not doing it for you? Fine. We’ll just use the pumpkin for our workouts, where it belongs! Instructions:

  • Tie one end of a string around your Libby’s pumpkin can
  • Tie the other end of the string around your wrist.
  • Swim 40 laps in the pool, always careful not to hit yourself in the face with the cans.

And you thought I couldn’t come up with a good workout. HA! The drag of the pumpkin cans will create a wonderful resistance in the water. HUGE calorie burner. Plus, afterwards, you can go home and blog about how you’ve used pumpkin in this awesome, never before seen on a blog, kind of way. Except that now your blogger friends have read this post too…so it’ll just seem like the same bowl of pumpkin oats lame.

BIKING: Bike with flat tires, wearing all the clothes you own. Take a knife and slash your bike tires. The airless tires will make it SUPER hard to pedal, which is what we’re going for!

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Before you head out the door for your “flat tire” workout, grab your hoodie, long sleeve tee, mittens, hat, scarf, jacket and adult footie pajamas and wear them. All. Layer upon layer of clothing will make you sweat (hello! You’ll totally lose water weight!) AND the weight of all that flannel will increase the impedance on your body. Bonus points if you can find some really thick baseball cards and stick them in your spokes. I’m racing in my first triathlon on Sunday. Thinking of how awesome I’d look if I implemented these ideas. People might laugh…but I’d be laughing in the end, because I’ll have gotten an awesome workout, and they’ll still just be…efficient.

Questions:

Branch out – what are some other ways we can be inefficient??

Any tips for my triathlon??

Do you own footie pajamas?? (yes, yes I do!)

splendid…lindsay

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{ 32 comments… read them below or add one }

Ashley October 6, 2011 at 8:41 pm

I absolutely lost it at “baby meat”…you’re hilarious!

I’ve also been thinking of investing in footie pajamas for the upcoming Michigan winter. :P

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Lindsay @ Lindsay's List October 6, 2011 at 9:36 pm

You should!! They’re seriously so comfy! Except when you have to use the bathroom – then you have to unzip them and take them almost completely off, leaving you chilly.

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Laura October 6, 2011 at 8:50 pm

No feetie pajamas but I am the proud owner of nightgown culotte ensemble deal.

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Courtney October 6, 2011 at 8:51 pm

Footie PJ’s I can’t find in my size — when I do I have a huge melvin. =/ Not efficient.

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Courtney October 6, 2011 at 8:51 pm

Melvin = camel toe.

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Lindsay @ Lindsay's List October 6, 2011 at 8:56 pm

lmao…thanks for clearing that up! Definitely a new term for me!

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Deb (SmoothieGirlEatsToo) October 7, 2011 at 11:27 am

I always thought that melvins encroached the butt but camel toe is the vag, no?

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Lindsay @ Lindsay's List October 7, 2011 at 2:35 pm

oh lordy…my mom just read that! :)

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Kristina @ spabettie October 6, 2011 at 9:58 pm

you. are. awesome.

if possible, I LOVE YOU MORE. this is so great… Libby’s cans made me laugh out loud SNORT.

you know, I USED to have footie pajama… in college I did, so yep, they were the adult size. I gave them to my sweet sweet grandma, may she rest in so much peace… she wore those things every day! :) makes me smile right now to know that.

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Lindsay @ Lindsay's List October 6, 2011 at 10:03 pm

What color were they? Trying to get a grandma mental image.

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Kristina @ spabettie October 6, 2011 at 11:25 pm

BRIGHT red. white non skid feet bottoms. :D

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Kristina @ spabettie October 6, 2011 at 11:25 pm

sweetest lady ever, my gram.

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Lindsay @ Lindsay's List October 7, 2011 at 9:26 am

I’m sure! I can see her now!

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Heather @ Better With Veggies October 6, 2011 at 10:03 pm

OMG – you have footie pajamas?! That sounds awesome – where did you get adult-sized ones?! :)

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Lindsay @ Lindsay's List October 6, 2011 at 10:05 pm

there are TONS of online retailers – we got them for Christmas one year…yes, WE….did I forget to mention that Travis has a pair too?

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Heather @ Better With Veggies October 6, 2011 at 10:08 pm

You’re kidding?! That’s even better – sounds like a great Christmas present – we do wear PJs for present-opening on Christmas morning…. :)

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Kristin @ STUFT Mama October 7, 2011 at 3:49 am

Okay- WISH I had footie pajamas. One of these days….
Love the stroller talk. I run all the time with my toddler twins in their stroller and it gets harder every week and I’v etotally been thinking about how it can’t be good for my body mechanics. ha! This post cracks me up! :)

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Stephanie October 7, 2011 at 9:29 am

I’ve always thought that walking down the stairs was a waste of energy. It would probably be much more efficient to simply throw yourself down them. Re: pumpkin oats, I jumped on that bandwagon this week. And honestly? They kind of look like baby poo. I’ll be throwing myself off that bandwagon shortly, as soon as I finish up the ginormous can of pumpkin that I opened.

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Lindsay @ Lindsay's List October 7, 2011 at 1:55 pm

loved the visual of taking my hand, grabbing my collar and throwing myself down a flight of stairs – thanks, steph!

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Meg October 7, 2011 at 7:17 pm

Hahaha! I laughed out loud visualizing this. I’m pretty sure it made my day.

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Hot Coco @ Flab to Fab October 7, 2011 at 10:53 am

LMAO! :-) It makes me inordinately happy that I just happen to have 2 cans of Libby pumpkin in my cupboard and now have an alternative use for them! :-)

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Lindsay @ Lindsay's List October 7, 2011 at 1:55 pm

YES!

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Deb (SmoothieGirlEatsToo) October 7, 2011 at 11:31 am

Very creative use for cans! Once I filled up empty kitty litter containers with water and did lunges and squats. Couldn’t sit down for days :-)

I LOLd at the flailing arms and feet in the triathalon and somehow Will Farrel popped into my head?

The other day I saw a dude on the step mill put on what I knew to be a non-breathable nylon long sleeve jacket (after sweating through his wife-beater on some other previous machine) and hunker down for a long while. I guess he was trying to sweat it out but dude, it’s just water you’re losing!! He should have tried flanel.

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Lindsay @ Lindsay's List October 7, 2011 at 1:56 pm

There was a guy in one of those at my gym too last week – except FULL BODY! He ran for like an hour and a half. Nasty.

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Christin October 7, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Lindsay, you are hilarious as always!! baby meat…haha!

I am the last person to give advice for a triathlon, but if you are ever in a dance competition, hit me up! ;)

I like to be inefficient by putting ankle weights on my legs when I go for walks on my lunch break…I do knee-ups every once in awhile as I walk…good times!

I used to have pink fuzzy footy pajamas, but I don’t anymore and I miss them…I think my family is all getting footy pajamas for christmas this year…myself included!

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Alta October 7, 2011 at 12:45 pm

This was hilarious. WAY better than what Janetha usually blogs about! (Totally kidding, Janetha) Where did you get your footy pajamas? I want some. And I bet if you tied REAL pumpkins to your ankles, the workout would be way tougher and therefore better. And even more silly-looking.

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Lindsay @ Lindsay's List October 7, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Real pumpkins = genious!

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Paige @ Running Around Normal October 7, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Hehe! Love this tongue in cheek post, Lindsay:)
Also I love that epi of Family Guy ;)

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Cassy October 7, 2011 at 1:31 pm

proud owner of footie pj’s! I even went bungee jumping in them!!
loove them!

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Meg October 7, 2011 at 7:18 pm

“If you get hurt doing what I describe below, well, then you’re an idiot. ” Priceless! I need to use this version of a disclaimer more often. :D

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holly October 13, 2011 at 11:34 am

…and this is why i love lindsay. you included the phoebe clip from friends, and for that, i know we were meant to be friends.

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Lindsay @ Lindsay's List October 13, 2011 at 11:58 pm

Dawg…we were totally meant to be friends! We’re both hot, skilled with knives and ninja stuff, and we can drive backwards in our cars.

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