funny email friday v2.0.

by Janetha on September 23, 2011

in random rambles

hey guys! i am loving the comments and conversation going on in my two most recent posts about baby making & the scale and about GI issues. your input has been awesome and i appreciate all the participation!

also, thank you for the well wishes on my internal issues. hoping to get to the bottom of them. i don’t want to be one of those “LOOK AT ME WITH MY GI ISSUES” type of people or cry wolf about a gluten/dairy/other food intolerance.

i wasn’t trying to get attention or sympathy about the situation and will only blog about it when i find out something new or something significant happens. we all know how annoying it can be to read unnecessary complaining.

well, today i have a wedding.. jessica & simon are getting hitched! i will be back tomorrow with a recap of the big event.. so until then, enjoy this random edition of funny email friday!

**************************************

remember how i told you i get random funny emails and save them just because they are so funny? well i was cleaning out my inbox yesterday and came across this gem sent to me by the one and only momma b. if at least ONE thing on this list doesn’t make you laugh, i question your sense of humor.

*note: i didn’t write these and i don’t know who did. it came to me in email form and has probably been passed around for a long, long time. no idea who to give credit to!

Adult Truths.

  1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
  2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
  3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
  4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
  5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
  6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
  7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
  8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
  9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
  10. Bad decisions make good stories.
  11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
  12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.
  13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
  14. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
  15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
  16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
  17. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
  18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
  19. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?
  20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
  21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever..
  22. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
  23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
  24. People who forward e- mail without deleting the tons of previous recipients should be shot and then tarred and feathered.
  25. The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. Ladies quit laughing!

my favorites were #2, #9, #11, #14, #16 and #18.  i can relate SO much! hilarious.

in other news, the woman behind renew life (which i blogged about here), brenda watson, will be holding a webinar on tuesday, september 27th.

brenda watson is an educational speaker on all things having to do with your guts. i have actually been perusing her website a lot lately due to my own GI issues. her webinar, “Sick and Tired of the Health System Runaround?”

from the webinar website:

Do you or someone you know suffer from any of these seemingly unrelated health issues?

  • Fatigue
  • IBS or Constipation
  • Skin Problems
  • Heartburn or GERD
  • Ulcers
  • Unexplained Weight Gain
  • Depression
  • Even Allergies?

Are you sick and tired of getting the runaround? “We just can’t seem to figure out what’s bothering you…”  Yet, you know something is out of whack!

Your digestive tract is that complex, yet it’s largely ignored during routine check-ups. Your health professional may ask you a quick question about your diet or nutrition habits and then it’s on to other topics.

There is H.O.P.E! – Your Personalized Health Consultation

I’m offering a one-day-only H.O.P.E. Webinar that goes in-depth into one of my most popular PBS television specials to really tackle the health issues that are plaguing so many of us. Don’t miss your chance to:

  • Unravel common health “mysteries” and the digestive system’s health secrets
  • Learn why what you don’t know could be sabotaging your health
  • And for the first time ever, ask me your specific health questions and get live answers in my extended 40-minute Q&A session!
  • Connect the dots and discover the extraordinary benefits of powerful and nourishing digestive nutrients – High Fiber, Omega Oils, Probiotics, and Enzymes

webinar registration is $79 and includes two free gifts valued at $50. click here to register.

Q~

do you have any funny adult truths to share with the class?

xo. janetha g.

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Jenna Z September 23, 2011 at 6:46 pm

Hilarious! #11 all that way, I am there with you!!!!

Laura September 23, 2011 at 6:53 pm

Currently experiencing # 11. Ughhhhh.

Abby @ Abz 'n' Oats September 23, 2011 at 7:32 pm

So funny! I love #4 and #16. People probably wouldn’t think I was so bitchy if #4 happened! :P

Averie @ Love Veggies and Yoga September 23, 2011 at 7:36 pm

#7 mapquest/neighborhood. I read that on another blog this week and LMAO! So true!

And your GI issues…you are clearly not crying wolf and if nothing else YOU know there are issues going on and even if the medical tests dont show it, won’t “prove it”, you know there’s issues and good for you for trying to figure it out. And my advice is stick with it….diagnoses for GI issues, food allergies, etc are notoriously long, tricky, and not always rooted in “hard science”…lots of trial and error and experimentation.

I hope you find a diagnosis + relief…soon!

Heather @ Get Healthy with Heather September 23, 2011 at 7:54 pm

Hilarious! I loved #s 7, 8 and 19 the most!

Lindsay @ Lindsay's List September 23, 2011 at 8:07 pm

The Blu-Ray one! The argument one! And the napping one! Gah – I have so many stinking DVD’s that Travis now wants to buy the Blu-Ray of….seriously probably 500 DVD’s!! ummm…no, blu ray, no!

Ty September 23, 2011 at 8:08 pm

I don’t know about adult truth but I would like to meet the woman who jumps into bed with any guy who whistles at/acknowledges her.

She has to exist.

Or else why would every sleazy guy stopped at a red light in his beat up truck or gangsta shouting “Ay girl” think that was an effective way of wooing women?

“Did you just whistle at me? …How did you know that was the secret password to UNLOCKING MY VAGINA?!!!”

I’m gonna find that girl.

And I’m gonna punch her in her face.

Ali Mc September 23, 2011 at 8:13 pm

I’m 100% behind #4 and I love the Natalie Dee comic :) CUTE

Hallie September 23, 2011 at 8:20 pm

This. Was. Great. Totally needed something to make me smile!

chelsey @ clean eating chelsey September 23, 2011 at 8:21 pm

My favorite thing about this post was that cartoon. So hilarious!

momma b. September 23, 2011 at 8:22 pm

haaahaaaha…….it is official my short term memory is TOTALLY gone!! I only very, very vaguely remember sending this to you or wait a minute maybe I don’t remember it……at any rate I really loved them this time around and you can probably figure out which ones apply to me…..kinda mostly all of them!

I love you SO much – glad you’re my little girl xoxo!!

p.s. your comic is classic – i kept waiting for the doc to use that line on you hahaha!

cathy September 23, 2011 at 8:31 pm

this is perfect for a friday laugh, j! thanks for sharing! a couple of my faves: #2, 10 & 19!
have fun at the wedding!
you totally do not strike me as to type to go wah-wah over something insignificant. fingers crossed that you get some answers – and some relief – really quickly. hug!

Lauren September 23, 2011 at 8:44 pm

Haha, these truths just made my Friday night! I’ve read this before but by far, the best one on this list is #24!

Brandi @ The Vitamin Bee September 23, 2011 at 8:46 pm

these are really good. i actually brought up the cursive thing to a few people and a guy argued with me that the english language would die out if we didnt have cursive. uh, what sir?

i’d pick out my favorites but they’re all pretty good.

i love your attitude about your gi issues. i wish you the best!

Mary (A Merry Life) September 23, 2011 at 10:00 pm

The funny thing about GI issues is if they are real you only wish you were crying wolf for attention. Ha. I hate not being able to handle dairy any more. It’s like body is a traitor against me making me sick from the best foods!

anyway…

This was hilarious. Thanks for sharing. :)

Deva @ Deva by Definition September 23, 2011 at 11:16 pm

#6 made me giggle because I use cursive ALL the time :-). I totally agree with #24. If I forward something, I delete anything not related to the forwarded content!

Ali September 24, 2011 at 12:11 am

I’m 99% sure these are Ruminations from a comedian named Aaron Karo. He is famous for them…and they are often in email chains. Check out his website – you can subscribe to an email list and get the new ones every 2 weeks!

Missy September 24, 2011 at 1:13 am

Ha you made a pun – getting to the “bottom” of your GI problems – tee hee! Yeah – that’s next ;)
My Dad sent me that email a while back and I laughed so much – especially on getting out of your neighborhood!
Here is a recent one he sent that I guess could be an Adult Truth – but mainly for the single ladies. Those not familar with the story of Boaz and Ruth will just have to go read it!! I thought of Eden when I read this, ya know, with her Jewish heritage and all…;)

To all the ladies who are in a hurry to have a boyfriend or to get
married, a piece of biblical advice: “Ruth patiently waited for her mate Boaz.”
While you are waiting on YOUR Boaz, don’t settle for any of his relatives;
Broke-az, Po-az, Lyin-az, Cheating-az, Lockedup-az, Goodfornothing-az,
Lazy-az, and especially his third cousin Beatinyo-az. Wait on your Boaz and make
sure he respects Yoaz

And you are NOT a whiner or complainer or any of that. I told you on your mail post – I love reading about all aspects, that includes the good, the bad, and the ugly (or painful!) I know you aren’t a bragger or any of those things. I love all of of it, because you know, I live “blogcariously” thru you (and a few other hawt chics!)!!

Hannahviolin September 24, 2011 at 1:28 am

#17 is very important! I remember we were looking at florists and went to see one–google sent us RIGHT through East St Louis. Oops. The florist was HORRIFIED and gave us a better, non-ghetto way home.

Susan September 24, 2011 at 9:28 am

#19!

The Delicate Place September 24, 2011 at 9:43 am

honestly, as much as it can suck to be ‘that girl’ sometimes you just gotta cut something out for a while and stick to your guns until you feel better. if it’s what i *think* it is, your tum could do this for 2 weeks or even a whole month :( i’ve definitely been there and i know how frustrating it can be. i was even put on prednisone for a week bc inflammation was out of control (yeahhhh roids). anyhow, if you have any questions or anything let me know! x ::hugs::

adult truths: no one will do your laundry for you and you don’t eat unless you cook for yourself :( somedays i just don’t want to do anything ha.

BroccoliHut September 24, 2011 at 12:55 pm

Loved this! I read it aloud to Seth, and we both could relate to #13!

Annette@EnjoyYourHealthyLife September 24, 2011 at 3:04 pm

BAHAHA. The mapquest and google maps one got me good<—that totally is a waste of space to tell me how to get out of my neighborhood! Hah.

And yeah, # 25, 13, 12 …all SO true! heh.

Chels September 24, 2011 at 6:31 pm

Those were so funny! I love the one about Kay, truth in my life, more kisses happened over a Miller, and the cursive, I think this to myself everyday when I teach my eight year olds how to write it.

Amy September 24, 2011 at 6:40 pm

**totally stole number 17**

holly September 25, 2011 at 11:41 am

JANETTHHHHAAAAAA BEANNNNNNNN!

just got caught up on all your posts – sorry it took me so long. really, there is no excuse other than i like reading all your posts one right after another so it’s like a mini-storybook. so go with that please.

anyways…your spaghetti squash tutorial reminded me of the time over labor day when i roasted a spaghetti squash for 4 hours at 400 degrees. needless to say, i had to throw the entire man away. sorry mama + daddy e!

soooo much fun stuff happening lately! weddings, races, family time (state fair = love), birthdays…love, love, love. but i am sorry about the GI stuff (so sorry to hear about that! sending good digestive vibes your way!).

your enchilada pie looked bomb. i need to make some more smoothies before its too cold to do so. i love mighty maple (STILL can’t find this anywhere – WTF?!?). not happy to hear you don’t dance at weddings, but i will help you change that (and no, there is no way you are as bad as elaine bennis). I MISS YOUUUUUUUUU!

not having you in my life more regularly makes me sad…but it seems as though we are both busy and doin the dayum thing, so it’s all good. hope you are having a merry weekend!

much love,
hobag

aka shitleff
aka soulmates 4 eva

p.s. seriously…think about that wisconsin trip…

Pure2raw twins September 25, 2011 at 12:35 pm

love these!!! and hope the wedding was a blast

and do not feel you are complaining about your stomach issues, I think it is important to talk about them as so many people struggle with it. But do what is right for you!! I sure hope I do not come across as complaining when I speak of my troubles. I only hope to help others :)

xoxo
Michelle

Katy (The Singing Runner) September 25, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Hahahaha! I can’t stop laughing about #16…not because it describes my night last night. Nope, not at all. ;)

Betty September 25, 2011 at 7:25 pm

I loooooove the fitted sheet and the pants. I haaaaaate washing my jeans cause I love that worn a few times feeling! And i
Haaaaaaaaate folding a fitte sheet, is there any right way?!

Paige @ Running Around Normcal September 25, 2011 at 8:51 pm

Hope you get to the bottom of your GI issues, girl! What a bummer:(

That list is great – I’ve seen it before and cracked up the whole time!
And about #6 – did you know they’re considering taking learning cursive out of school cirriculum?

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