eden roasts janetha.

by Janetha on August 20, 2011

in guest posts

Hello Mealers and Movers! It’s Eden.

I know, this is like having a “substitute teacher” while Janetha is away.

But trust me, I’m a cool sub.

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Anyhow, by now you are sick of me from my two previous guest posts and my cameo in Janetha’s Palm Springs Adventures.

But this time, I’m writing about Janetha. Actually, I’m “roasting” Janetha.

Before I begin, you should know that a “roast” is:

“When an individual is subjected to a public presentation of comedic insults, praise, and tributes, the implication being that the roastee is able to take the jokes in good humor and not as serious criticism or insult, and therefore, show their good nature. The host of the event is called the roastmaster (that would be me!). Anyone who is honored in such a way is said to have been ‘roasted’ (that would be Janetha!).” (source: Wikipedia).

Janetha so kindly asked to be roasted as I recently roasted another blogger, Julie, and I couldn’t pass that opportunity up!

So please, remember I LOVE Janetha with all my heart and all my butt. This is all in good fun and don’t take anything I say personally (or anally, that might be weird…). And like I did, with Julie’s roast, I formatted it by explaining the ways I am NOT like Janetha.

So without further adieu:

Pics Galore: Janetha, I love you. I love your dogs and I even love Marshall in that non creepy way. But dude, you do realize your blog is a shrine of those three creatures, right? (janetha here. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT.)How you load 20 plus pictures per post makes you a freakish super-blogger. I’m lucky if I get a picture of some obscure recipe creation. And I’ll I have is a bunch of pictures of my face after farting!

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Your Stick Straight Hair: You must have some Asian relative in there. It wasn’t until our Palm Springs visit where I realized your hair is freakishly stick straight. You’re all nonchalant about it, “Yea, I just blow dry it…no big deal…”. I know, this comes from a place of jealousy from my end. But once, just once, I’d like to meet this Asian relative or for you to fess up that you actually dedicate hours and hours to straightening it!

I don’t believe in “national (fill in the food) day!”: Here are some samples of your tweets:

“hey guys! It’s national pancake day! What’s your favorite hotcake!?”

Or

“Its national bratwurst day! How do you like your wieners?!”

Circumcised, Janetha.

I don’t need a holiday to give me permission to eat some sort of food or celebrate it. And have you noticed there is no “national protein powder day”? Yea, its cause protein powder tastes like chalk.

I am not a “Goal” person: Does the “goal” corporation compensate you for doing a “goal” post every month or so? I know, they’re all “healthy” goals and ones I’d love to achieve myself. But frankly, all this focus on goals stresses me out. My goal is to have no goal. And yea, that might explain why I don’t know what I’m doing with my life….

I am not a “giveaway” person: As I wrote on my blog once, I am not big on giveaways. I think they make me alter my content and as much as I’m all for free swag, I don’t like the promotional hoops I or my readers need to jump through. This is probably why my blog will never be as popular as yours, but I like my blog being like a little hole in the wall joint no one but cool people know about. But you? Every day is a new giveaway! I don’t need a box of granola or water bottle… When are you giving away something REALLY useful like a car or a dinner with Momma B? I’ll jump through many hoops for that (and you know I hate jumping!).

But Janetha, although some of these things can get on my nerves, the way you handle them with ease and a grain of salt is why I love you and why I read your blog. You are an amazing blogger and an even more amazing individual.

Have fun at the Healthy Living Summit and tell them not to send any death threats my way cause I’ll lace their oatmeal with butter and bacon!

Love you!

-Eden

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{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }

Jessy August 20, 2011 at 2:42 pm

I never really set goals either nor make to-do lists … maybe that’s why I often freak out because I’m running out of time? But at least I don’t stress about failing to follow some kind of a list. ;)

This post is fabulous, Eden!

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Naomi August 20, 2011 at 2:45 pm

heheh i love your roasts, Eden!!! yeah I have a similar hair ‘problem’ its naturall pretty straight and whenever I tell people if they ask me, they get pissed haha myyy baddddd

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momma b. August 20, 2011 at 2:49 pm

Great roast Eden!! Hey dinner with me any day of the week drop by and YOU can cook for me!

xo

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Eden August 20, 2011 at 3:17 pm

I’m anxiously awaiting the day Janetha will do a “Dinner With Momma b Giveaway”! I’ll submit 1000 entries!

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MelissaNibbles August 20, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Oh Eden, how I love you. I love Janetha too, but girl, you gotta calm down with the pictures! I’m totally jealous of your straight hair though.

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Susan August 20, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Umm, I freakin’ love Janetha’s giveaways because I won one! Muahaha. I adore both of you and I’ll just reiterate my comments from Julie’s roast: Eden you are hilarious and Janetha you are a confident, secure woman to let yourself be roasted!

PS – Loved the Tahoe recap and happy belated birthday to Penny Pie!

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Eden August 20, 2011 at 3:49 pm

I admit, I won one too…Janetha reeks of confidence which would explain why she’s so awesome.

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Lindsay @ Lindsay's List August 20, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Her size, her cottage cheese consumption, her freakishly small feet. I’m thinking she’s a robot. What does she smell like in person?

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Eden August 20, 2011 at 3:51 pm

hey! my feet are actually teenier than hers! I spent like four day in a row with her and most of the time she smelled better than me…but that doesn’t say much.

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Kristina @ spabettie August 20, 2011 at 3:54 pm

I want in on that Dinner With Momma B too! :D

I like Janetha’s photos. especially the pups. maybe it’s so I feel okay with all the Basil that’s struttin around on my blog.

this was fun – I didn’t know you roasted people, Eden! I missed the first one, I’m going to read it now. happy weekend to you both!

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Eden August 20, 2011 at 4:01 pm

I’m also available for weddings, bar mitzvahs, and christenings! And you should see me roast beef!

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Carla August 20, 2011 at 4:04 pm

I have to comment although I told Janetha today I never do, because I am a creeper. I met Janetha today and asked her how she liked our lovely Philadelphia humidity and she told me she loves it. I took one look at her hair and knew why! Mine was of course, up in a ponytail, because it’s a frizzy mess! I like you Eden, can’t stand people with perfect shiny straight hair! But Janetha was super cool in person, as I expected!

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Lisa August 20, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Eden, I love the title of your blog+your honest writing style. Very cool. Props to Janetha for picking a great guest poster. :)

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julie August 20, 2011 at 4:33 pm

bahahahaha circumsicized janetha i love it well i mean you know what i mean haha

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Julie @ Sugarfoot Eats August 20, 2011 at 4:52 pm

Hahaha hilarious!! I always wonder how she has the patience to upload 5 billion dogs pics! They are cuties though.

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The Teenage Taste August 20, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Eden, you are hilarious!

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Errign August 20, 2011 at 5:41 pm

Eden, I love your blog & your particular brand of humor. This post totally made me smile.

Have funnnn at the HLS, Janetha!

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Mary (A Merry Life) August 20, 2011 at 8:07 pm

Such a funny post. Eden you are great!

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Deb August 20, 2011 at 8:41 pm

Another great roast. Yes I’d like to see you roast beef!

So you don’t think her magical blowdrier has anything to do with her gorgeous straight hair? Ok probably not.

We did see her in action in palm springs & janetha IS an effortless & fabulous blogger & I can’t wait til we are all reunited in the fall.

Dinner with Momma B yessssss!

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Eden August 20, 2011 at 9:12 pm

I roast it in the microwave ;)

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Felicia (Natural + Balanced) August 20, 2011 at 9:09 pm

haha! loved this

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chelsey @ clean eating chelsey August 20, 2011 at 9:26 pm

Best post ever. I need a roast – I would love someone to make fun of me.

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Tiffany August 20, 2011 at 9:42 pm

Hahah, I love the roast post (that sounds naughty) I am also in love with the pups as well….and Marshall (if he only liked shrooms lol)

I would kill for miss janetha’s stick straight hair. No matter how much I attempt to straighten it, it always comes out with an awkward wave in the front!

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Eden August 21, 2011 at 3:00 am

yea, I have a collection of cowlicks in front…. not pretty.

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Missy August 20, 2011 at 11:03 pm

Eden’s roasts are the new black!
Love this one too – although I love seeing all of Janetha’s pics 9esp of the pups!) It’s like you are seeing her day in slo-mo. Too cool.
And her hair? It just matches her face and personality – Gorgeous!

Can’t wait to see who you roast next!

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Eden August 21, 2011 at 3:00 am

anybody who’ll let me! Or beef!

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HotCoco August 21, 2011 at 9:06 am

That was a fun read! :-) I aspire to Janetha’s formidadmirable (new word!) blogging skills. Eden, you’re a riot! :-)

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Eden August 21, 2011 at 4:02 pm

A riot!? Oh no! I influenced London!

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Paige @ Running Around Normal August 21, 2011 at 12:23 pm

Bahaha!! Sitting in the airport catching up on blogs, and this is hilarious! The “goal corporation” heheh
However, I completely wouldn’t mind a post where you just publish a million pictures of Penelope. Just sayin’ :-P

Anyway – so so so good to meet you this weekend! Wish we could have kicked it more!

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Amanda August 21, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Yes! I am envious of the stick straight hair too.

Eden-circumcised weiners will always, always crack me up. Love you.

I would enter a giveaway for dinner with Momma B. Let’s win it and road trip together.

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Abby @ Abz 'n' Oats August 21, 2011 at 9:58 pm

Sarcastic people are my favorite! <3

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Barbara August 21, 2011 at 11:01 pm

Funny. You forgot to mention that aside from Janetha’s stick-straight perfect hair, she is pretty perfect as well. She is also a workaholic, and even with her ridiculous schedule0–crazy job and nonstop meetings–she still manages to look gorgeous in pictures, cook, and hauls her butt to the gym (INSANE!). Of course, she throws perfect parties, cooks/bakes all the time, and organizes incredible charity events. And she is an awesome person, with a great sense of humor (read: sarcasm)…. you want to hate her, but you really can’t. lol

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Sami August 22, 2011 at 9:59 am

eden, you’re the most loveable bitchy person i’ve ever met (well, not technically “met”, but you know what i mean). i can only imagine what your roast of my blog would be like…you’d probably joke about how nerdy my name is…the freckled foodie’s cutesy alliteration probably annoys you. then, it would be a bash on my love of sugar-free jams, protein shakes, and weird obsession with broccoli slaw and perpetual date nights with the boyfriend… you’ll probably never roast me, but a girl can dream, right? :P

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Eden August 22, 2011 at 11:14 am

I’ll roast anyone ;)

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